manufacturer's recall notice

Regardless of Make or Year or Tithe Amount, all units known as "human beings" are being recalled by the Manufacturer. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units’ code named "Adam" and "Eve," resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect is technically termed "Serious Internal Non-morality," but more commonly known as "SIN." Symptoms of the SIN defect include, but are not limited to:

• Loss of direction
• Lack of peace and joy
• Depression
• Foul vocal emissions
• Selfishness
• Ingratitude
• Fearfulness
• Rebellion
• Jealousy

The Manufacturer is providing factory authorized repair service FREE of charge to correct the SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus Christ, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. To repeat, there is NO fee required.

The number to call for repair in all areas is P-R-A-Y-E-R. Once connected, please upload the burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Christ, into the SOUL component of the human unit. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Christ will replace it with:

• Love
• Joy
• Peace
• Kindness
• Goodness
• Faithfulness
• Gentleness
• Patience
• Self-Control
• Everything He Has Is Yours

Please see the Operating Manual, HOLY BIBLE, for further details on the use of these fixes. As an added upgrade, the Manufacturer has made available to all repaired units a facility enabling direct monitoring assistance from the resident Maintenance Technician, THE HOLY SPIRIT. Repaired units need only make Him welcome and accept his Word and He will take up residence on the premises.

WARNING: Continuing to operate a human being unit without these corrections voids the Manufacturer's Warranty, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and may ultimately result in the destruction of the human unit.

--thanks to whoever that sent this to me, life of an ordinary C--